For anyone new to this blog, a little background information. My husband and I own a small business with a couple of employees in rural America. We work together full-time in the office. Our job descriptions are complementary but separate. Technically, it’s his signature on the “President” line.
Today he walked over to my desk and picked up an invoice from one of our distributors that I had a question about. He starts in on “from now on…” about this invoice.
What he’s forgetting is that approximately a month ago, I asked him this exact question about the timing of this invoice. I was annoyed….
Because I like to keep things light and as positive as I can, here is how the rest of that conversation went in .gif fashion.
People often wonder how we can work together full-time, live together, love each other, and still LIKE each other the majority of the time. It’s work. Marriage is work. Work is work. Respect and trust is work.
Both of us have had to eat our humble pie and accept that we are wrong sometimes. It happens.
Eat the pie. Move on. Live life.
Nestled between my early morning devotion time and heading out the door for a run, it hit me.
My husband and I haven’t been out (or in) together without kids since March.
I know…. that is shocking!
Almost two months ago, we flew to Key West for a handful of days. I don’t think we’ve been anywhere without the little people we created, even for groceries and a burrito, since mid-March.
Time to get back on the same page…
Today I scheduled a 36hr getaway for us. We are going to see another couple for a Friday evening and Saturday a couple of weeks from now. What? You thought we’d be able to throw together something for this weekend?! That’s just crazy talk….
Honestly though, it is incredibly important to put that extra time into your relationship. It’s been lacking here. We’ve had a rough patch lately where I truly wanted to get in the car and drive away. Solo. Where? Who knows. Maybe just to go sit in a coffee shop or restaurant and read a book while I sip a chai latte (DF of course) or eat chips and salsa? I might even treat myself to a bowl of guacamole.
But I don’t drive away. I told him I wanted to. Yet I haven’t gotten in the car, removed the car seats, and made a break for it.
Why? A couple of reasons:
- I genuinely like my crew of people – most of the time. Experience has taught me that it is highly unlikely that you will enjoy another human 100% of the time. I’m quite sure I would not enjoy my own clone 100% of the time…
- I’m an introvert. Quiet time is necessary to recharge. Daily running and devotions need to become a priority again instead of snoozing the alarm and then needing space from my family later.
- I love my husband. Even when we aren’t clicking and I’m not even sure we are speaking the same vernacular, we still have almost 18 years invested in our relationship. We’ll celebrate the 13yrs married mark this summer. Sometimes I wonder though… when I say something – what is he hearing???
- I love who I am when we are in sync. Disharmonious as we are right now, we will find our rhythm again soon. We are better together. He lightens me. I focus him.
- I’m flat-out terrible at self-care. When I make a cry for help like “Hey honey, I think I’ll just leave. No I don’t know where I’m going to go…” that’s pretty serious stuff. It needs to be addressed together. Instead of further isolating myself, I need to pull closer to that covenant I have with my husband and family.
What it boils down to is that it is time for a date. A real, fix-your-hair, put on a nice dress, lipstick instead of chapstick type of date. No talk of the kids’ baseball schedules, end-of-school year events, or that we are COMPLETELY out of all ingredients necessary to make breakfast. It is time for actual date talk about interests and plans and that amazing song I heard on the radio last week.
It’s time to reconnect and get back in sync.
Some people just suck the energy right out of you. Physical, emotional, and social energy is siphoned off like taking a big draw of iced tea thru a straw.
Instead of drowning in the bottomless void these people leave in their aftermath, I’ve chosen to earnestly pray for them. I pray for their heart, mental and physical health, and our interactions going forward. And it takes work.
Work on my heart. Work on my thoughts. Work on myself. God can change anyone.
A person in this category is still God’s creation and has His love if he/she accepts it. It is of this that I remind myself.
I approach with caution, guard myself, pray before going into these encounters, and carry on. Not always successful at this, but we’ll call it my game plan. Psalm 5:8-12.
Looking forward to a more positive post on my next entry!