Family · Parenting · Perspective

Overheard in the Car

Photo credit to Philmckinney and beyondtheobvious

Mom, if I had a choice between a puhmillion pieces of gum and one, I’d choose the puhmillion. (5yr old)

me: Ok, didn’t we have a talk about there being no such thing as a puhmillion?

Yes. So mom, if I had a choice between a thousand pieces of gum…

….. 5 miles down the road ……

me: Hey! I just saw a shooting star!

7yr old boy: Are you going to make a wish?

me: Yes I already did. I wish your dad to be home safely from his trip.

5 yr old girl, completely matter of fact and without missing a beat because obviously she’s been thinking of this:  I wish to be a mermaid.

me: What do you wish for T?

7yr old boy: Mom there are wish rules. I can’t tell you. But, I wish for everybody to just be quiet!!!!

And so ended our conversation as we pulled into the yard tonight.

Family · Parenting

Small Talk

Topics of conversation covered by my 5 and 7 year old children after school yesterday in under an hour:

  1. Sweet potatoes – do they all have to be orange?
  2. The garter snake family that we found living under our porch when we demolished it on Saturday. Where are they now? Did you know they can grow to almost 4 foot long? Found that out Saturday.
  3. “Why won’t my brother let me hug him?” – in dramatic fashion
  4. Snack options – settled on graham cracker sandwiches with a little chocolate frosting
  5. Halloween costumes – can we really mix a cheerleader uniform with angel wings? The answer is yes. It’s Halloween. #pickingmybattles
  6. “Fits don’t get us what we want.” Reminder number 8,000,531
  7. Corn dogs
  8. Will it really snow on Halloween? – Looks like a yes at this point…
  9. Did you know that there is no such thing as a “puhmillion” of something?
  10. Someone stole my tic tacs! Recovered from his bedroom floor an hour later.
  11. “Mom, did you know that B____ and A____ and L____ were told that if they didn’t stop punching, pinching, kicking, and hitting that they would have to go to the principal’s office? But not at the same time!” — The life of a Kindergartener
  12. Breakfast for dinner or pizza?
  13. Homework and sight words.
  14. Did anyone feed the cat?
  15. Hide and Go Seek in the house until the little one started crying.

Whew. Are you exhausted? I was by 6pm….

Happy Halloween! — Jen

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Perspective · Uncategorized

The Finger Wag

Does it ever feel like people everywhere around you are wagging their fingers in disapproval?

You talked to who?giphy

You were blatantly, yet gently honest about what?

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You fed your kids that?

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You didn’t post anything about this online?

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You get the picture. Everybody has an opinion about what, this, that, who, when, where, and why.  And bless them, thanks to an online presence, they feel the need to share it. Unfortunately, a lot of people are of the reactively, firm feeling that we must all agree on it on every unique detail as well.

Here is where things get sticky. As in all families – and in this nation we are technically one big family – it is incredibly rare for details to be agreed upon. For pete’s sake, have you ever tried to set a time for a holiday with 40 relatives???

What I am pleading for people to ponder is that we don’t have to do everything loudly and as an instantaneous reaction. Consider this Heineken beer ad titled “Worlds Apart.” It suggests actually sitting down for a civil conversation instead of instant judgement and finger wagging.

I offer this and the survey below as a thought process in approaching almost ALL differences of opinion – even the simple ones like if I caved and bought generic Lucky Charms instead of granola for their yogurt.

Do a little mental survey before typing that comment:
1) Is this worth my energy to disagree and debate?
2) Am I coming at this from a place of seeing the big picture or just my own microcosm?
3) Is my response bitter, hateful, and laced with expletives or factual, respectful, and willing to discuss?
4) Is it possible to seek a compromise? Why or why not?
5) Have I prayed about it?

Monday morning, I was praying about a situation. Specifically, I was asking for peace in my heart over it. As I was praying, it occurred to me clear as day, that maybe I wasn’t supposed to feel peace in this moment? Maybe I was feeling the unease so I could address and work to resolve it. Goodness, that isn’t the easy, comfortable road I was hoping for…

Sometimes thoughtful silence isn’t a blissful moment of ignoring or condoning tough events. Rather, it is part of the process of seeking the best path forward to resolution. An explosive reaction or opinion rarely does anyone well in the long run. So please, stop wagging your finger at me for not joining in the fray.

 

 

**Due to the timing of my post, I’m aware that some may read into this blog entry as being specifically about Charlottesville and/or the state of race relations in the USA. It isn’t. That is feeding into my thoughts, but this is not a direct reflection of that. I am absolutely not condoning or approving in any fashion the behaviors, beliefs or hateful mindset that went into that situation. It was/ is a tragedy. With rare exception, I am not a reactive person. I am processing and trying to understand, other than feeling extreme sadness, nausea, and frustration, how and where to direct my efforts to improve and contribute to our nation healing as a family.**

 

 

 

Family · Parenting · Perspective

The Ride to School

I always enjoy hearing how the ride to school went when I don’t do the drive. I’m 99% of my kid’s transportation to, from and everywhere in between.

Today, my husband had a haircut scheduled at 8:30am plus a few other errands so he drove them in. When he returned to the office, I asked how it went:

“They argued all the way to town about whether Te Fiti from Moana (Disney Movie) is a girl or a boy. He was just arguing to argue. She was right. Te Fiti is a girl. His argument was that boys can wear a crown too if they are the king.”

Oh how I love when he gets in on these snippets of life!

I learn about the good and bad on the drive to and from school: friends, fights, sick kids, bad words, hurt feelings, moments of grace, and eye-opener – who’s boyfriend and girlfriend.

I about choked on my gum last week when he told me that XXXX and YYYY were doing something worse than holding hands (1st grade). Still driving, I cautiously tiptoed into it with my very literal child. “Did they kiss?” — No.  “Did they hug?” — No.  Mom, XXXX says they are DATING! “What does dating mean?” — I don’t know. Just that they actually LIKE each other!

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This allowed an easy transition into the conversation that in first grade, we like everybody as a friend. No need for anything more than just being a good, caring, kind friend to all. This is fine with my son because frankly, he has a younger sister and thinks she is SUPER ANNOYING most of the time. Therefore, all girls must be an annoyance. I told you. He interprets all things as cause and effect, literal, black and white.

I think it’s important to get in on these conversations. The little daily life moments add up to big things. The frustration on the playground is much easier to solve when discussing it in the car in small increments each day as opposed to when the note from the teacher comes home saying ZZZZ had a bigger problem today at school.

Yesterday the topic on the way home was “Truth or Dare.” Remember the age range for this conversation was 4-7yrs old. Not quite the mine field it can be when you are a teen! I wonder what we’ll talk about tonight?

 

Family

The Lost Art of Family Dining

Sunday evening was our night off from it. Mom laid a blanket out on the living room floor. Dad turned the TV channel, manually, to the Sunday Night Disney Movie.  We were lucky it was one of the “Big 3” channels we got growing up. It was a super special family treat – family nacho tray! My mother laid out chips on a cookie sheet, mixed up and drizzled the liquid gold gooeyness of velveeta/ salsa/ browned hamburger, and baked for about 5 minutes. The tray was moved into the living room in the middle of the “picnic blanket” and we ate finger food style while watching the movie. I treasure the memories of that time together and aim to recreate it with my children.

Every other night of the week that we weren’t at volleyball/ basketball games or choir/band concerts, we gathered around the family dining table. It wasn’t fancy. That same table, 20 years later, has migrated down to the basement for games. It was a hand-me-down from my grandparents after being bolted back together in the middle. The table had collapsed during a previous family meal and required a permanent fix. I used to stare at those bolts while sitting solitary-style at the table hoping to wait out my parents resolve over consuming salmon patties. I clearly remember my mother vacuuming around my chair.

Our family dining experience wasn’t something we “drug” ourselves too, it just WAS. It was expected. It was something we looked forward to. Our dinners weren’t always fancy. They were solid meals – meat, veggies, potatoes or bread. Sometimes dessert, but that wasn’t something we needed. To this day, my sisters and I are meat, potato, bread, veggie women. We came to the table as we were when it was time for dinner. Dad in his chore clothes. Us in our clothes from sports practice. Mom in her clothes from teaching elementary students.

Throughout the meal, there was conversation. It was about our day, our week, our dates, being grounded, amount of time on the phone, clothes, etc. My younger sister is the creative type with words and photos. Funny thing though, she was never good with the MEANING of the the words. This led to the introduction of the dictionary into our post dinner conversation. What does that word actually mean? What does she think it means? Dad would go to the den and get the dictionary. It was like a game of Balderdash. I LOVE the game of Balderdash. It is analagous to the word version of Pictionary, but 100% doable with just a few people and a dictionary.

I asked my mother a few weeks ago how these meals came to be such an integral part of the story of Us. She has two theories. She grew up in a large Catholic Christian family. There were pre and post meal prayers. Every family member sat at the table until the meal was done and the post-meal prayer was finished. Although we were raised Protestant Christian, sitting as a family together was also a part of our family routine.  Like my mom’s side of the family, we gather for all events on my dad’s side. We stand and sing the doxology (with harmony – we are singing folks) before every meal. Marrying into my family means we gather together. We sit and eat. We may have to rent out the community center to fit all 40+ of us, but we dine together! I dare say it is part of my family identity to gather, sit, eat, and conversate. 

We are working to instill the family dinner as part of my husband and my family’s identity as well. Sitting together at the table, we see each other’s faces. We communicate PERSONALLY with emotions and expressions, not emoticons via text messages. My children enjoy it. They ask to be excused, just like I did 25 years ago. It teaches respect and manners. My little guy likes to help set the table.  It isn’t 4-H Camp, we don’t get the forks and spoons on the right side of the plate every time.  We dance, laugh, and talk in the kitchen while we do it.

Dinner as a family benefits everyone. It shouldn’t be stressful. Don’t let it be. Turn on some music. Laugh. Don’t over-analyze. At our house, the sauces and gravies aren’t always perfect. The potatoes are sometimes lumpy and my son picks all the bean seeds out of his green beans. The back of my daughter’s chair has to be de-peanut buttered after each meal with pancakes. I’m usually running circles trying to get everything to the table, just to realize that no one has water glasses or sippy cups. Chalk it up to burning a few more calories. Live it up! You only get these moments once.

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