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Grief

I made the promise to myself that I would post once a week. However, I missed last week. My friend lost her husband in a tragic accident. Last week was unfathomable and excruciating for her. Our group of friends made sure someone was there with her providing whatever support she needed, even if it was just mindless, normal, background chatter. I was able to sit with her for a couple of days prior to the services. Watching her walk down the aisle of the church on Saturday, leading and coaxing her small children while she silently sobbed, ripped my heart out. My heart aches for her. I love my beautiful, strong, broken, grieving friend. She fights a battle that I can not even begin to understand. I am emotionally, physically, and mentally drained. Even now, I’m not sure what to write. So, this is my post.

Hugs — Jen

Love · Perspective · Uncategorized

Question of the Day – No. 81

What is one decision that changed your life?

**To respect myself enough to not be controlled by others.

I did that once in high school. It bordered on emotional and verbal abuse… honestly, it jumped the line… I wasn’t allowed to hang out with my female friends. I wasn’t allowed to have male friends. I was isolated, chastised and degraded. I was disrespectfully treated as an object.

When that relationship ended (thank goodness high school doesn’t last forever!) and I rose thru the fog I’d been living in, I remember telling myself I would never date someone who didn’t let me have friends, talk to other people, or live outside his control. My sisters and best friend from high school still can’t say his name without cursing. It’s been almost 20 years.

What I learned from that experience is too much to fit in a blog entry or even a series of entries. I also prefer most of the details to remain anonymous. I don’t need to relive that. My biggest takeaway though is this:

To forgive myself for my choices, I had to forgive too. To move past despising that section of my life, I had to let my hard feelings go. 

Pointless Overthinking

What decision you made changed your entire life?

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